12.22.2006
hummus
fyi, hummus is not allowed beyond security checkpoint. the powers that be have decided that it's not 'solid enough.'
12.20.2006
homeward bound
the clock is aticking folks. exactly 48 hours from now my heart rate will go up because my nerves get all weird on me when i have to travel. i'm generally paranoid that some unforeseen circumstances will prevent me from getting to the airport on time - train congestion on the mta, or an unexpected break in the M60 schedule (esp. cuz that's a reality of living in nyc) could very well delay my homecoming. in any case, the adrenaline surge is kinda nice for a change, cuz as of late, i don't feel like i'm on my tippy toes for anything really.
ah, but home is great. that's usually how i feel after breaks of time away from the fam. the family all together, jokin around, my pop's and elder brother making the uncle jokes, my mom not even trying to be funny - but she just *is*, and the younger bro is by definition comic relief. just ask him about the story about him and ALford. (ALford is chinese - that in and of itself makes me smile) HIlarious stuff, yo.
ah, but home is great. that's usually how i feel after breaks of time away from the fam. the family all together, jokin around, my pop's and elder brother making the uncle jokes, my mom not even trying to be funny - but she just *is*, and the younger bro is by definition comic relief. just ask him about the story about him and ALford. (ALford is chinese - that in and of itself makes me smile) HIlarious stuff, yo.
12.18.2006
survey says...
don't normally do these kinds of things because i think they all have generic answers. i guess i find that these generic answers are pretty well written : )
Your Existing Situation - Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship,or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.
Your Stress Sources - Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics - Feels listless, hemmed in, and anxious; considers that circumstances and forcing her to restrain her desires. Wants to avoid open conflict with others and to have peace and quiet.
Your Existing Situation - Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship,or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.
Your Stress Sources - Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics - Feels listless, hemmed in, and anxious; considers that circumstances and forcing her to restrain her desires. Wants to avoid open conflict with others and to have peace and quiet.
Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.
Your Desired Objective - Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress, and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pains to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail.
Your Actual Problem - Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.
http://www.ColorQuiz.com/
the fine line between boredom and restlessness
i got home a bit early today because i was feelin a bit under the weather. the powers that be were kind enough to take pity on my situation, and so i scurried home to bed and slept for a couple hours in the late afternoon. part of me wishes i could do that everyday....i like the idea of taking naps during the day - makes me feel like i'm takin life in stride, appreciatin the finer aspects of living in this overstimulated existence...
the down side to this is that i've been at home since then (except for a quick grocery run) and i'm bored out of my mind. i've exhausted my cell's contact list, done google searches on all the topics that i've been wondering about as of late, organized my purse, and read some short stories. and it's still _only_ 9:40 p.m. what's a gal to do??!?!
the down side to this is that i've been at home since then (except for a quick grocery run) and i'm bored out of my mind. i've exhausted my cell's contact list, done google searches on all the topics that i've been wondering about as of late, organized my purse, and read some short stories. and it's still _only_ 9:40 p.m. what's a gal to do??!?!
12.17.2006
boys, boys, boys
in my attempt to re-acclimate to nyc (i moved back recently), i've jumped head first into nyc's online dating community. i've been on fifteen or so first dates that haven't really amounted to a whole, whole lot. i can't really complain though because, for the most part, the men that i've gone out with were decent folks.
that is, with the exception of one outlier. and yes, there always has to be that one psycho person that just doesn't get it. but thankfully, that one person didn't actually have any personal information of mine except for my first name and my phone number. he does, however, have a pic of me which could have frightful ramifications in the cyber-realm (esp. cuz i'm paranoid, cynical, and overly-imaginative).
in any case, i was actually seeing one guy (not the psycho one) for a few weeks, but the timing wasn't right for him, i guess. i'm not 'in the know' about these things, and i don't really like to read into things, because i think that's more trouble than it's worth - so i said to myself, 'well, it was what it was,' and resumed my online searches for mr. acceptable (i think mr. right is a misnomer - implies that all the other guys are mr. wrongs, not a logical way to approach the whole search, if you ask me).
at the very, very least, i know i've made a solid attempt to meet folks from different walks of life - and, for now, at least i can take a break from it all and know that i *did* try : P
12.15.2006
is this really happening?!!?
bizarre-o, folks. tried to put stuff in purple that seems more psycho than the rest (although, the whole situation is quite freakish)
Speculation About Foot Fetishist in Killings
By SERGE F. KOVALESKI
Published: December 14, 2006
When four prostitutes were found slain in a marshy ditch on the outskirts of Atlantic City three weeks ago, each was barefoot, a detail as intriguing as it was mystifying.
So on Monday, after managers and several guests at an Atlantic City hotel where two of the victims had sometimes stayed read an account of a man described as being obsessed with women’s feet — which appeared on a private group’s Web site — they said they recalled a peculiar man who took a room there for three weeks this fall.
What led people at the hotel to wonder about a connection between that man — who registered using an address in Phoenix — and the obsessed man described on the Web site as a serial killer, was one chilling theory in the site’s unofficial account: “He has an extreme foot fetish and has a collection of women’s shoes and the shoes of his victims,” the document said.
It went on to speculate that “he may even be known for offering women foot massages.”
Officials declined to comment about the theory on the Web site or about whether they were seeking anyone who fit such a description.
The speculation about such a man could be a lead in a case that has baffled investigators since the bodies of the four women were found on Nov. 20 in a ditch behind several seedy motels on the Black Horse Pike in Egg Harbor Township, just outside Atlantic City.
On Tuesday afternoon, investigators showed up at the hotel, the Fox Manor, on Pacific Avenue, after learning that there might be a lead there on a suspect, the general manager, Manny Trivedi, said.
Yesterday Mr. Trivedi said in a telephone interview that the hotel guest he was thinking of kept six to eight pairs of women’s shoes in his room. Mr. Trivedi described that man as being of medium height and weight, with blue eyes, thinning brown hair and a mustache.
Mr. Trivedi and another manager at the hotel, who said he saw the shoe collection, and who spoke on the condition that his name not be used because of his concern about the continuing investigation, said that during the man’s three-week visit, a woman staying at the hotel told him that the man had mentioned to her that he was interested in caressing her feet.
Mr. Trivedi said that after the woman, whom he would only identify as Michelle, read the Internet description of the theorized killer — which was produced by an independent group in New Jersey that profiles serial killers on a Web site called Stalk Inc. and has no links to the police in this case — she became alarmed and told him about her odd encounters with the hotel guest. He added that on Tuesday the police spent about two hours interviewing the woman, who has been staying at the hotel for about five months.
“He also told this woman, Michelle, that he was an ex-marine and knew tae kwon do or something like that and could kill someone in a minute,” Mr. Trivedi recalled her telling him.
The hotel managers said that the man they described had spent time with a man from the area who is believed to drive a white van, the type of vehicle some prostitutes on Pacific Avenue say might have been involved in the killings.
Mr. Trivedi said that on Monday, a uniformed officer from the Atlantic City Police Department gave him a copy of the partial profile on the Stalk Inc. Web site and that the next day an investigator from the Atlantic County prosecutor’s office came to get a copy of it, as well as a copy of the former hotel guest’s driver’s license, which the hotel had on file.
The Atlantic County prosecutor, Jeffrey S. Blitz, said yesterday that no one from the task force looking into the case had been distributing the Web-based profile. Asked yesterday about the man with the women’s shoes, Mr. Blitz declined to comment.
The task force includes representatives from the prosecutor’s office, the Egg Harbor Township and Atlantic City Police Departments, the state police and the F.B.I.
The victims, who the medical examiner said were left in the ditch over a period of several weeks, were found barefoot, their heads all facing east toward Atlantic City. One victim was strangled, another died of asphyxiation and the bodies of the two others were too badly decomposed to determine the causes of death.
The description on the Web site asserted that the “lethal predator” responsible for the four deaths was from the area and was familiar with the site where the bodies were left.
“He has not killed every prostitute he has come in contact with,” the document theorized. “There are prostitutes who know him for the sexual gratification he gets from their feet.”
The description theorized that the killer probably had a record of sexually or physically abusing women. It was released by John Kelly, the president of Stalk Inc., who described himself as a social worker and addiction specialist. He said he had compiled criminal profiles in several well-publicized murders, including the Green River Killer case in Washington state and another in which the bodies of four women — all former heroin-addicted prostitutes in Worcester, Mass. — were found over the last several years.
Mr. Kelly described his theory about the Atlantic City killer this way: “He can relive his fantasy through the shoes, which serve as somewhat of a trophy.”
He said that he told the police in Egg Harbor Township three weeks ago that he had come up with a partial profile of the person who could be responsible for killing the four women. They referred all questions about the investigation to the county prosecutor.
“We told them to watch the Web site for updates,” he said. “A profile always continues to evolve. But it’s only a tool. It’s up to the police as to what they want to do with it.”
Nate Schweber contributed reporting.
Speculation About Foot Fetishist in Killings
By SERGE F. KOVALESKI
Published: December 14, 2006
When four prostitutes were found slain in a marshy ditch on the outskirts of Atlantic City three weeks ago, each was barefoot, a detail as intriguing as it was mystifying.
So on Monday, after managers and several guests at an Atlantic City hotel where two of the victims had sometimes stayed read an account of a man described as being obsessed with women’s feet — which appeared on a private group’s Web site — they said they recalled a peculiar man who took a room there for three weeks this fall.
What led people at the hotel to wonder about a connection between that man — who registered using an address in Phoenix — and the obsessed man described on the Web site as a serial killer, was one chilling theory in the site’s unofficial account: “He has an extreme foot fetish and has a collection of women’s shoes and the shoes of his victims,” the document said.
It went on to speculate that “he may even be known for offering women foot massages.”
Officials declined to comment about the theory on the Web site or about whether they were seeking anyone who fit such a description.
The speculation about such a man could be a lead in a case that has baffled investigators since the bodies of the four women were found on Nov. 20 in a ditch behind several seedy motels on the Black Horse Pike in Egg Harbor Township, just outside Atlantic City.
On Tuesday afternoon, investigators showed up at the hotel, the Fox Manor, on Pacific Avenue, after learning that there might be a lead there on a suspect, the general manager, Manny Trivedi, said.
Yesterday Mr. Trivedi said in a telephone interview that the hotel guest he was thinking of kept six to eight pairs of women’s shoes in his room. Mr. Trivedi described that man as being of medium height and weight, with blue eyes, thinning brown hair and a mustache.
Mr. Trivedi and another manager at the hotel, who said he saw the shoe collection, and who spoke on the condition that his name not be used because of his concern about the continuing investigation, said that during the man’s three-week visit, a woman staying at the hotel told him that the man had mentioned to her that he was interested in caressing her feet.
Mr. Trivedi said that after the woman, whom he would only identify as Michelle, read the Internet description of the theorized killer — which was produced by an independent group in New Jersey that profiles serial killers on a Web site called Stalk Inc. and has no links to the police in this case — she became alarmed and told him about her odd encounters with the hotel guest. He added that on Tuesday the police spent about two hours interviewing the woman, who has been staying at the hotel for about five months.
“He also told this woman, Michelle, that he was an ex-marine and knew tae kwon do or something like that and could kill someone in a minute,” Mr. Trivedi recalled her telling him.
The hotel managers said that the man they described had spent time with a man from the area who is believed to drive a white van, the type of vehicle some prostitutes on Pacific Avenue say might have been involved in the killings.
Mr. Trivedi said that on Monday, a uniformed officer from the Atlantic City Police Department gave him a copy of the partial profile on the Stalk Inc. Web site and that the next day an investigator from the Atlantic County prosecutor’s office came to get a copy of it, as well as a copy of the former hotel guest’s driver’s license, which the hotel had on file.
The Atlantic County prosecutor, Jeffrey S. Blitz, said yesterday that no one from the task force looking into the case had been distributing the Web-based profile. Asked yesterday about the man with the women’s shoes, Mr. Blitz declined to comment.
The task force includes representatives from the prosecutor’s office, the Egg Harbor Township and Atlantic City Police Departments, the state police and the F.B.I.
The victims, who the medical examiner said were left in the ditch over a period of several weeks, were found barefoot, their heads all facing east toward Atlantic City. One victim was strangled, another died of asphyxiation and the bodies of the two others were too badly decomposed to determine the causes of death.
The description on the Web site asserted that the “lethal predator” responsible for the four deaths was from the area and was familiar with the site where the bodies were left.
“He has not killed every prostitute he has come in contact with,” the document theorized. “There are prostitutes who know him for the sexual gratification he gets from their feet.”
The description theorized that the killer probably had a record of sexually or physically abusing women. It was released by John Kelly, the president of Stalk Inc., who described himself as a social worker and addiction specialist. He said he had compiled criminal profiles in several well-publicized murders, including the Green River Killer case in Washington state and another in which the bodies of four women — all former heroin-addicted prostitutes in Worcester, Mass. — were found over the last several years.
Mr. Kelly described his theory about the Atlantic City killer this way: “He can relive his fantasy through the shoes, which serve as somewhat of a trophy.”
He said that he told the police in Egg Harbor Township three weeks ago that he had come up with a partial profile of the person who could be responsible for killing the four women. They referred all questions about the investigation to the county prosecutor.
“We told them to watch the Web site for updates,” he said. “A profile always continues to evolve. But it’s only a tool. It’s up to the police as to what they want to do with it.”
Nate Schweber contributed reporting.
12.14.2006
lines
so as i mentioned in one of the first few posts, i have some 'pieces' that i've been working on, and every now and then i'll muster up enough courage to post one up here for folks to see. this one is kinda 'spoken-word-ish-y.' i wrote it a while ago...
sometimes i trace
lines-inches from my face
i must pace
myself-they are tricky
life lines, love lines, the how-many-times-i'll-marry-lines
ancestral lines, scar lines, the
i'll-make-your-palms-look-fine lines
up-and-down lines, side-to-side lines, the
i'm-make-your-mind-real-dizzy-lines
straight, definitive lines fall into
curvy, hidden lines fall into
almost-fading-but-still-there lines fall into
the brownness of my skin
12.13.2006
greetings from slumpville
i think something inside of me is _screaming_ to take leave of my skin. or alternatively, implode into me even deeper that it already is. the source of this general angst: part of it's definitely nyc, a lot of it is the good ole quarter life crisis (refered to as qlc henceforth).
my coping mechanism tends to be netflix for the most part, and food, of course. not the most healthy, balanced approach but, hey, those are consistent things in my life that'll always be there for me...and now i'm smiling at how silly this all sounds.
these days - via netflix - i'm on the third season of sex in the city. it's actually a pretty sad season because carrie cheats on a genuinely nice guy with a genuinely shady one and her life unravels before your very eyes. i watched an episode while i was getting ready for work this morning, and boy what a downer way to start the day.
on the flip side, it's the holiday season and i'll be going home soon.
on the flip flip side, it's the holiday season and there are too many friggin' people on the streets of ny.
my coping mechanism tends to be netflix for the most part, and food, of course. not the most healthy, balanced approach but, hey, those are consistent things in my life that'll always be there for me...and now i'm smiling at how silly this all sounds.
these days - via netflix - i'm on the third season of sex in the city. it's actually a pretty sad season because carrie cheats on a genuinely nice guy with a genuinely shady one and her life unravels before your very eyes. i watched an episode while i was getting ready for work this morning, and boy what a downer way to start the day.
on the flip side, it's the holiday season and i'll be going home soon.
on the flip flip side, it's the holiday season and there are too many friggin' people on the streets of ny.
12.12.2006
to be disconnected is to be in danger...
posits a report summary entitled '170,000 Young People Out of School, Out of Work - - Out of Luck?'
disconnected from what, though, is my question. and from whose perspective. because youth that are so-called disconnected are sure as hell connected to each other, and they've got their own little network going that doesn't have room for 'the system.'
speaking of which, i'm not sure that the system gives them enough reason to buy in to it...especially, if it's designed to fail them. and the designs to fix to failures of the system also fail them.
so, i guess common's question still stands, 'how come the industry build careers that don't last?'
i guess i have a few lingering questions of my own, but i'll spare you and leave you with just one - how come the people who create industries don't care about how they pre-determine the way people live their lives?
disconnected from what, though, is my question. and from whose perspective. because youth that are so-called disconnected are sure as hell connected to each other, and they've got their own little network going that doesn't have room for 'the system.'
speaking of which, i'm not sure that the system gives them enough reason to buy in to it...especially, if it's designed to fail them. and the designs to fix to failures of the system also fail them.
so, i guess common's question still stands, 'how come the industry build careers that don't last?'
i guess i have a few lingering questions of my own, but i'll spare you and leave you with just one - how come the people who create industries don't care about how they pre-determine the way people live their lives?
12.11.2006
for whom the bell doesn’t toll – sean, unarmed black man
i'm not sure what that descriptor even means any more – ‘unarmed black man’ it seems like because you’re black, you are armed by default. clearly, not in the literal sense but armed with melanin that isn’t the right kind.
background:
Democracy Now's account of the incident
A very(!) contrary perspective
i know…it’s easy for me to sit at my computer and write about this in my privileged, sterile setting and i do have a hard time verbalizing the actual hurt i feel when i hear about racially motivated hate crimes like this (note crimes committed by those entrusted to ‘protect’ us.)
i could go on into an academic rant about the subjugation of people of color, and the kinds of baggage that are forced upon us because of a lengthy, ongoing imperialistic colonial presence that is inherently lethal in its consequences.
or i could just describe the visceral response that this kind of stuff elicits in me…and how it just makes me really friggin sad.
background:
Democracy Now's account of the incident
A very(!) contrary perspective
standard question syndrome
among family: so, what did you do today? did eat yet? what did you eat? what are your plans for the rest of the day? how's work going?
among friends: so, how’s your job? how's your family doing? what did you do this weekend?
getting-to-know-you-first-date questions: where do you work? what’d you do before that? where'd you go to college? when’d you have your first kiss? who was it with?
c'mon peoples – can’t we be more creative than THIS?!?!
12.08.2006
oh yeah...one more thing
sometimes i'll have 'pieces' posted here, if i can call them that. they're writings that i've put a bit more thought into so they don't qualify as rambles, but they're not polished writings either.
with time, you'll notice one thing for sure, i'm not the kind that thinks of myself of a writer per se. i'm more the type that swerves through the motions of life trying to make sense of it all through writing, so it's mostly for myself (i guess i'm a bit self-indulgent myself...) and if, by some chance, others benefit from my thought trajectories then, well, that's something to be thankful for - establishing genuine connections in cyberspace is no easy feat.
with time, you'll notice one thing for sure, i'm not the kind that thinks of myself of a writer per se. i'm more the type that swerves through the motions of life trying to make sense of it all through writing, so it's mostly for myself (i guess i'm a bit self-indulgent myself...) and if, by some chance, others benefit from my thought trajectories then, well, that's something to be thankful for - establishing genuine connections in cyberspace is no easy feat.
for that immediate gratification
having stated that disclaimer, let the games begin....
last night i went to BAM (brooklyn academy of music) to check out this alternative-ish event that was a little over my head (the link will take you to a description of the event), and i'm thinking at least half the audience felt the same way b/c when the discussion with the creators rolled around, poof! a significant chunk of the audience bounced.
the 'performance,' if you can call it that, was a series of pieces that used a range of media to contextualize ideas.....and, now i'm starting to sound like the creators of the piece. in any case, it was a very unique and, yes, interesting in that it tried to expand our notion of who journalists are in this day and age (bloggers), what it means to be a spectator/audience (generally passive consumers), and the over-stimulation/desensitization of the media industry and its consumers.
some parts of it were definitely engaging, but sadly enough those parts were the ones that alluded to pop culture references. i guess that's something that i got out of it - an opportunity to self-reflect on how i respond to post-modern pieces : )
another piece of it that i found refreshing was the distance that was created and taken away between the performers and the audience. it made us (the audience) do the work, try and latch on to something, process as we experienced the performance.
a few things that i wondered about are the (1) accessibility of the piece in terms of the language/references made throughout the piece, the audience that it's trying to reach and the audience that it ends up reaching, and if it's a relevant form of expression; and (2) the 'what next' of it - i'm finding that the arts seems to be such a self-indulgent area of pursuit some times and it's so easy to put things out there, but the harder part is to sift through it all and build connections to it - and this isn't something that can be expedited with the technology wave. i think that building connections to art is a very individual process - making the 'objective' display/experience into a subjective one.
given all this, i'm not sure i would attend another event like this, maybe just for kicks. but i don't find them to be that fulfilling (and they're likely to be designed that way, but still it's frustrating) and i'd much rather watch sex in the city or read calvin and hobbes for that immediate gratification. call me shallow, but when the disillusionment sets in, post-modernism is not the answer.
last night i went to BAM (brooklyn academy of music) to check out this alternative-ish event that was a little over my head (the link will take you to a description of the event), and i'm thinking at least half the audience felt the same way b/c when the discussion with the creators rolled around, poof! a significant chunk of the audience bounced.
the 'performance,' if you can call it that, was a series of pieces that used a range of media to contextualize ideas.....and, now i'm starting to sound like the creators of the piece. in any case, it was a very unique and, yes, interesting in that it tried to expand our notion of who journalists are in this day and age (bloggers), what it means to be a spectator/audience (generally passive consumers), and the over-stimulation/desensitization of the media industry and its consumers.
some parts of it were definitely engaging, but sadly enough those parts were the ones that alluded to pop culture references. i guess that's something that i got out of it - an opportunity to self-reflect on how i respond to post-modern pieces : )
another piece of it that i found refreshing was the distance that was created and taken away between the performers and the audience. it made us (the audience) do the work, try and latch on to something, process as we experienced the performance.
a few things that i wondered about are the (1) accessibility of the piece in terms of the language/references made throughout the piece, the audience that it's trying to reach and the audience that it ends up reaching, and if it's a relevant form of expression; and (2) the 'what next' of it - i'm finding that the arts seems to be such a self-indulgent area of pursuit some times and it's so easy to put things out there, but the harder part is to sift through it all and build connections to it - and this isn't something that can be expedited with the technology wave. i think that building connections to art is a very individual process - making the 'objective' display/experience into a subjective one.
given all this, i'm not sure i would attend another event like this, maybe just for kicks. but i don't find them to be that fulfilling (and they're likely to be designed that way, but still it's frustrating) and i'd much rather watch sex in the city or read calvin and hobbes for that immediate gratification. call me shallow, but when the disillusionment sets in, post-modernism is not the answer.
first post ever...
on this blog at least. i've only had one other blog, so no worries i haven't yet completely sold out to the blogosphere. and for the record, i'm not cheating on this blog, i've unofficially broken up with the other one.
so knowing that first impressions are important and all, i'm really not sure which direction to take this, so i'll fall back on the advice that most ppl give to friends when they're meeting folks for the first time: just be yourself.
you'll notice with time, that my rambles mostly involve the recall of some momentous event or the build-up before i have a great epiphany (or so i think), followed by a borderline post-modern anaylsis of the event and feel-good two-liner ending that will somehow make me feel better about putting myself out there (actually putting my cognitive filter out there : )
so knowing that first impressions are important and all, i'm really not sure which direction to take this, so i'll fall back on the advice that most ppl give to friends when they're meeting folks for the first time: just be yourself.
you'll notice with time, that my rambles mostly involve the recall of some momentous event or the build-up before i have a great epiphany (or so i think), followed by a borderline post-modern anaylsis of the event and feel-good two-liner ending that will somehow make me feel better about putting myself out there (actually putting my cognitive filter out there : )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
