extreme politics

on more mainstream notes

(i'm a dweller - i tend to operate in phases, take things to an extreme, then leave them to the wayside for a while, hence the re-visiting of the 'i believe' theme : )

i believe in miracles... you (something something, i think)
- i can't remember the singer/lyrics of this song for the life of me.

I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When Im with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right
- love this song! 'semi-charmed life' by third eye blind

I believe that children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
- you know the 411 on this piece

i believe...

i believe in relationships, the kinds that have history, that make you smile when you're alone in a crowd, that are songs that are being written at this very moment

i believe in libraries where you're sure to find public restrooms, free internet access, and most importantly rows and rows of shelves and shelves of books (some better than others, of course)

i believe in seasons, change is natural - and sometimes we need to be reminded of that

i believe in rain, snow, tears, sweat, hunger, pain, satisfying meals, and masala bhangra dance workouts

i believe in swings - pushing, lifting myself into the air, the wind blowing in my hair, the views of the dry, muddy ground-the clouds-the grass-the sky-my shoes-the infinite

i believe in believing.

following a train of thought

beliefs are strange things. you spend a large chunk of your life developing them, and then spend the rest of it watching them unravel before your very eyes. and since it would be far too simple for it to happen in a linear fashion - you spiral back and forth between being a believer and a dis-believer, with nothing tangible to show for yourself. of course, _this_ doesn't dawn on you until your folks call you up and ask you, 'so, what have you been up to today?'

in an effort to get to the bottom of this, i did a google search on a phrase that included 'belief,' and NPR's 'this i believe' popped up. after listening to one essay and skimming a few others, i was inspired to seriously reflect on my beliefs and how they've changed with time. (and boy, do _they_ change with time!)

in my childhood years, i would've probably said that i believe in friendship, reading, and imagination. during high school, i would've said i believe in friendship, spontaneity, and life. somewhere in the middle of my college years, i might have said i believed in myself, family, friendship, and the possibility of different realities....and it doesn't stop there.

when i first entered to workforce as a teacher while doing my masters part-time, i would've said i believed in sleep, partying on the weekends, friendship, family, ideas, young people, and potential. (and since i can't stay still for longer than two years...) when i lived in india for year and half, i would've said i believed in education reform, family, and friendship.

and now? now, i'm thinkin it's time take stock of what i have believed in before before, and figure out what that means for me today, in this moment. i guess there comes a time in one's life where you sit back, take a deep breath, and think about how it is you got here, and where it is you're headed.

epiphanies

why do they always happen at the darndest times?

- in the loo
- on the way to the loo
- while leaving the loo

what the tiny little island of manhattan runs on...

disgruntled city-working borough-residing who trek in every morning so they can pay the bills

unmarked white vans that weave their way around office buildings and talk police officers out of ticketing them - especially since they were just trying to grab a bite to eat during some down time -or- they went to deliver something at one of the gazillion office buildings in the city and they couldn't find any parking...

the sweat, tears, and toil of a helluva lot of working class folks that make sustenance for all the 'professionals' that come through the island

money money MONEY

ha! - revised

goodness gracious me! the city of new york has reached yet another level of insanity. the nightlife sector of its development has 'warranted' the development of a bureaucracy to regulate the industry. beyond words, innit?

check out the excerpt, shmoes:

---------

The Sound and the Fury

Joe Fornabaio for The New York Times

By NOAH MARCEL SUDARSKY

Published: January 21, 2007

Late last month, for instance, the City Council made public a report on New York night life that among other things, calls for creating a special body to rule in cases involving “problem” bars and clubs, and even a citywide Office of Nightlife to oversee the industry. Two days earlier, the State Liquor Authority published the findings of its licensing task force, which recommended ways to tighten up licensing.

morning persons / brain juices / life in the big apple

i'm not a morning person.

my brain juices don't start flowing until the late afternoon.

life in the big apple is like living in dronedom.

regaining the sensation in one's toes (in a positive sense)

a minor detail that i failed to mention in the post-friday night post was that i wore new and rather sleek-lookin black boots. while they did look phat on me, they also did a number a couple of toes. this might have something to do with the significant heels on them....

toes are in much better condition two nights later

bhangra-ing in nyc

last nite i headed in to chinatown area to a spot called the canal room. dj rekha spins there every friday, i think. the venue itself was pretty tight. spacious, a diverse crowd, not one of those the-spot-to-see-famous-folks-and-be-seen-at types where i tend to not feel free to be me : )

i ended up getting there close to midnight and stayed there until the wee hours of the morning - 4 am. insane, i know. i hadn't had a night like that in a long, long time though. probably last august when one of my friends had her bachelorette party in the city. i can't even remember if i've _really_ been dancing since then - so that means i probably haven't.

when i strolled in, i was stressin a bit b/c i didn't want to spend that much money but i knew i needed at least one drink to loosen up and the website said $10 cover. to top it off, as soon as i set foot into the spot i was informed that there was mandatory coat check, another $2. what's a gal to do? so i checked my coat in, pulled out a twenty and went to pay cover. the dude at the ticket counter was like - it's free right now. i headed into the club, a tad bit confused but psyched that i didn't have to part with my bill. (i did however break my cool cuz i turned around a smiled real big at him cuz i felt like i just won $10) haha. anyways. ended up spending a grand total of $15. $10 for a drink, $2 for coat check, and $3 in tips.

this leads me to another topic though cuz i 'm not really sure that i understand tipping etiquette for people in my income bracket. usually, when i order stuff at the bar - be it an actual drink or even water - i tip the bartender. and even when i pick up my coat at the end of the night. i may not have always done this, but i'm starting to think it's the right thing to do. sometimes i even tip the person who tends to the bathroom. in any case, i just noticed that folks don't always do that, and wondered if i was being extremely generous (cuz i really don't have THAT much money to spare either.....)

a place we've all been before...

Loneliness
pablo neruda

The not happening was so sudden
that i stayed there for ever,
without knowing, without their knowing me,
as if i were under a chair,
as if i were lost in the night-
so was that which was not,
and so have i stayed for ever.

I asked the others after,
the women and the men,
what they were doing with such confidence,
and how they had learned their living;
they did not actually answer,
they went on dancing and living.

It is what has not happened to one
that determines the silence,
and i don't want to go on speaking
because i stayed there waiting;
in that place and on that day
i have no idea what happened
but now i am not the same.

* i'm not 'there' right now, just thought i'd share a fly poem.

what the tiny little island of manhattan runs on...

disgruntled city-working borough-residing who trek in every morning so they can pay the bills

unmarked white vans that weave their way around office buildings and talk police officers out of ticketing them - especially since they were just trying to grab a bite to eat during some down time

-or- they went to deliver something at one of the gazillion office buildings in the city and they couldn't find any parking...

the sweat, tears, and toil of a helluva lot of working class folks that make sustenance for all the 'professionals' that come through the island

ain't so peppy, actually...

in my intro, i mentioned that i'm likely to go off on a rant about the educational system at some point in this blog's cyberlife. so here goes:

PEP = Panel for Education Policy

Blurb on PEP:*
"The thirteen member body designated as the Board of Education in section 2590-g of the Education Law shall be known as the Panel for Educational Policy. The Panel for Educational Policy is a part of the governance structure responsible for the City School District of the City of New York, subject to the laws of the State of New York and the regulations of the State Department of Education. Other parts of the structure include the Chancellor, superintendents, community school boards, principals, and school leadership teams. Together this structure shall be designated as the Department of Education of the City of New York.

The members of the Panel for Educational Policy are appointed according to law as follows: one member is appointed by each Borough President, eight members, including the Chancellor who serves as chairperson, are appointed by the Mayor. All members serve at the pleasure of the official who appointed them.

New York City Panel for Educational Policy
Mayoral appointees have an * next to their names:

*Mr. Joel I. Klein, Chancellor, email: JKlein@nycboe.net, phone: 212-374-5110.
Ms. Evita Belmonte, Queens representative
Ms. Natalie Gomez-Velez, Bronx representative
Ms. Martine Guerrier, Brooklyn representative
Ms. Jacquelyn Kamin, Manhattan representative
Ms. Joan Correale, Staten Island representative.
* Mr. Alan D. Aviles.
*Mr. Philip A. Berry, VP, Colgate Palmolive
*Dr. David C. Chang, President, Brooklyn Polytechnic Univ.
*Mr. Tino Hernandez.
*Dr. Augusta Souza Kappner, President of Bank St. College
*Mr. Richard L. Menschel, Senior Director of Goldman Sachs
*Ms. Marita Regan, former D22 administrator
(Last updated: March 18, 2004)"

* bold added by yours truly

what i can tell from the blurb: there's a whole lot of 'appointing' taking place here, and clearly not many of them are elected

what i know from my time as a nyc teaching fellow: a whole lot of bullying happens on the PEP (refer to blurb and link below)

"Last week’s abrupt firing of members of the city’s Panel for Educational Policy by New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was greeted with widespread anger. The mayor dismissed two of his own appointees and the Staten Island borough president fired another member of the panel in order to win passage of the mayor’s plan for new promotion requirements for third graders in the city’s public schools." (more here or here if you desire a more 'objective' source)

p.s. i wonder if Klein'll actually answer if we call him at the number listed :)

la mujer is in la casa learning espanol

inspired by a bud and a longstanding desire to learn spanish, i bit the bullet last wknd and borrowed some spanish-for-beginners books. and having developed a severe case of attention deficit disorder during my adult life, i'm intermittently reading/listening/repeating spanish words and phrases as i type this post. big - grande, la casa es grande.

clean - limpio. wet - mojado.

i think i might just fall asleep listening to this cd, too. :)

things i'm lookin forward to: tomorrow's thursday which means the day after is friday - and so the wknd is in sight, starting a new book tomorrow on the train - how the garcia girls lost their accent haha, i guess it's funny cuz i'm trying to learn spanish at the same time (just finished night by elie wiesel), going to jackson heights tomorrow to chill with my teacher friend and her kids

things i'm dreadin: waking up at 7 in the morn, bravin the cold weather (esp. the 8-block-walk to the subway), being on the trains - some of those train compartments are completely different zones, folks are really the dead living. i looked around this morning on the 7 train and people were not happy campers. they were either sleepin away or had bitter looks on their faces because the only reason they got up this morning was to pay the bills. guess money does make the world go 'round, eh?

the calm after the storm

is actually pretty anticlimactic. and it involves cleaning up after yourself and everyone else, picking up the broken pieces, and trying to make sense of it all....

where do a**holes come from?

i'm glad you asked, cuz quite frankly this question popped into my head today, and i've already formulated a few opinions on where they come from and why they persist to exist.

most of my pent-up angst about this comes from knowing a few of them (a**holes), and the rest of it, to be honest, comes from the state of the world more generally. if people really did care about their environment and the organisms in it, most societal ills would most probably cease to exist. granted people in positions of power have a disproportionate amount of control over this, but there are folks all along the spectrum that sadly enough buy into 'the way we live.' i guess we all kinda throw our hands up and point fingers at each other, go to bed at night, and wake up in the mornin and point fingers at each other some more. (case in point --> ENRON, check out the documentary, very, very sad!)

back to the question of the hour though - where do a**holes come from?

well, the ones that i know personally, i think it comes from them just having severe insecurities and not knowing how to deal with them in a constructive way. instead, they just transform that into this insidious approach that they take on to life and inculcate in others, causing so many generally optimistic and positive people to question themselves repeatedly and waste hours, days, months of their lives agonizing over thoughts like, 'he's such @@)(@*@. or maybe i'm reading into it too much. maybe, i did something to cause him to behave in that way. or maybe, what i _know_ happened didn't actually happen??!?!' and so on. basically, a**holes everywhere are wreaking havoc and causing people to become delusional, despondent people who end up shelling out lots to seek counseling.

now, that's a rant.

things that irk

so many incidents in nyc happen in transit. as unbelievable as it my seem, i have another anecdote to share with y'all. today post-work, i decided not to go into lower manhattan for dinner and drinks with a friend cuz i was feelin a bit grungy today. instead, i headed into jackson hts to return a bollywood film that i've been holding on to for ages. after doing that and running an errand, i got on the R train towards manhattan, got off at steinway, and proceeded up the stairs. and you're probably wondering - why is she _still_ blabbering about her day-to-day?

it gets more interesting....believe you me.

as soon i ascend the stairs there's an ad board that's white (with no bills posted) and someone's scribbled: 'deport all illegals' '1. not immunized' '2. closing down hospitals' and '3. (too annoyed by the first three lines i read to remember this one)'

almost instinctively, i went up to this racist, classist, ignorant message and began to rub the writing to see if i could at least make it known that someone disagreed with the message enough to mess it up.

i guess i'm a bit of an odd person because the things that typically irk people don't irk me. but ideological warfare really gets under my skin. particularly when the ideology is founded on privilege, elitism, and entitlement. plenty of 'legals' are not immunized. plenty of working class 'legals' require hospital care that they can't afford and doesn't exist for them. and aside from all this, the so-called intellectually and materialistically wealth that the 'haves' have is something that was passed on to them because they come from generations of peoples that have had access to that language, that way of being, of thinking, of acting.

and what of the families that produce first generation college students, you may ask. well, what of them? - i would ask in return. because honestly, how many of them are there? they'll always, always, always be the exception, never the norm. when the norms change, that's when i'll give another look at this issue, and revise my stance.

oh yeah, when i left it the scribble read 'port all legals.'

the lady at queensboro plaza

the battle begins when you set foot out your door in nyc! pedestrians and mta commuters turn into monstrous beings, and see their co-travelers as arch rivals (when really they just have pent up angst against all the general societal evils - the system, the bureaucracy, their bosses, their families, their friends, and so on)...

i stepped aside for two people to come in my direction, unnaturally bringing myself to a complete stop *just* for them to pass by. their body language indicated that they wouldn't stop for me, so i let them go. then there was a bit of a lull in traffic, so i continued towards the last compartment of the imminent 7 train towards manhattan.

then this lady (now i know why ppl use words like uncivilized or uncouth) comes and stands in front of me, while my body language clearly indicates that i'm heading in the direction of where she's standing. i'm thinking, geez lady, get a clue - read some body language. she must have been thinking, get the f out of my way. because before i could even see it coming she's pushing me to a side by trying to walk _through_ me. for reals. i've already blocked parts of the incident of my mind because i can't remember what exactly she said - maybe something like, 'okay, already!' i, of course, having a severe case of the asian-mute syndrome didn't say anything until after the fact. i didn't even really say anything that harsh - just 'jesus christ' and continued on towards my destination.

do note that this is the second time that i've had a violent running-into at this particular station. one time, an mta maintenance person ran a trash-on-wheels into my thigh. now, that was really f'in painful (unlike this woman who basically bounced off of me since we were both in our poofy winter gear.)

hmmmm. perhaps i should move back to chicago's western burbs where there's so much space that it'd be challenging _to_ run into other people.

wishful thinking...

the first snow

i'm not a poet or anything (as i'm sure this post will prove) but isn't it fab when the first snow of a winter falls? it's pretty much beyond words. it fell for like 30 seconds, distracted me for about 30 minutes, and now it's back to the daily grind.

resurrecting my going-out-tops

since i was 'working from home' today, or whatever that means, i've been doing odds and ends around my apt, cleaning up after myself from my wknd activities. among other things, this entailed folding my going-out top from saturday night and putting it back into a suitcase that contains my stash of dramatic and scandalous tops. it's actually quite amusing to me that i've built up this stash over the years.

humor me while i attempt to give you a description of sat nite's top as an example - it's an aqua blue top that glittery all over, has one strap - it's one of those tops that leaves the other shoulder naked (i know - the scandal!), and the front part of it has gold lining. sometimes i wonder what gets into my head when i make these purchases.

the irony of it is, i don't even really like wearing these tops that much any more, but i feel compelled to because i *am* in nyc. i do end up sporting them though (not without a cardigan or light jacket to tone down the dramatics though.) case in point - sat nite, i think i looked good, and that's also what my friend-like-acquaintance (whose party it was) had told me. the gentleman from georgia also thought i looked good - but he asked me to talk off my little cover-up sweater. i knew that wasn't happening, esp. since you could pretty much see all that it was necessary to see with the sweater on, if you know what i mean. it's always a bit weird to me to wear this kinda stuff out cuz when i hear guys ask me to take off my sweater or something, part of me is screaming but i don't even know you well enough for you to ask me that. and of course, this makes me a bit of a conservative in the dating world. oh well, i am what i am :)

i guess i'll go back to 'working from home'....

p.s. i guess i did end up giving you some of the gory details of the evening :)

and she did it!?!?

yup, luckyd, i did make it out there. it's a record. two nights in a row. trekked out to forest hills this time - the opposite direction of manhattan. it was a going away party for a friend-more-like-acquaintance who i'd met during an acting class at baruch. (don't ask what i was doing taking an acting class - i realize it's completely out of character.)

we went to this spot called bartini's - a joint that makes over 600 different flavas of martini, and they had a longass drinks menu to prove it. i didn't expect to get there as early as i did so i actually had a good 30-45 minutes to laboriously peruse the menu. i ended up with a chocolate monkey martini - a drink that had enough alcohol content in it so that it gave me enough of a buzz, but not strong enough to make me forget where i live and what my name is....

since i was so friggin early (actually the first customer at the bar) i had time to make friends with a 32 year old gentleman from the republic of georgia, a country that borders turkey, as he informed me later that night. he was a funny one. i'm not sure i'd like to get into the gory details, but all in all the night turned out to be rather entertaining.

as i finished it off rather early (in nyc terms), and walked myself to the train station i felt decidedly good about how the night turned out. i also have to admit that i realized i was feeling my age creep up on me. gone are the days of drinking myself into blissful ignorance and dancing the buzz off to overplayed and misogynistic hip hop beats, knowing that my girls would have my back if the alcohol didn't sit well with me. but since i still had a bit of a buzz, i rushed those thoughts out of my over-analyzing head, and enjoyed my walk home from the train station...

a night on the town

finally, getting out there and takin those social risks :)

last nite, after drinkin a small cup o joe from dunkin donuts, i headed into manhattan - the part of nyc where fakers and posers are a dime a dozen. i waited for the n/w train for about a half hour, was on it for twenty minutes, waited for the 6 train for ten minutes, and was on it for around five. the whole time i was thinking - why am i even bother making the effort to get all dressed up, made up, and cutsy? it's such an ordeal really, living in nyc - esp. going out out in the city.

no worries though, this isn't another one of my sordid rants. it has a happy ending actually. i ended up having a fly time with some cool peeps. i didn't really know any one there all that well. a couple travel buddies from a recent stint in india, another coupla folks that i've heard of and met once before, and a few folks i've never met before. it turns out that i was a bit over dressed (read hooched out) but it's cool - i ended up not takin off my coat cuz i felt too dramatic (plus my shirt was a bit sheer...)

in any case, the conversation was good - reminiscing about exchanges and incidents in the motherland, the traditional questions (job, location, etc.) and other random shit. also, i allowed myself one drink to loosen up a bit (my tolerance has gone way down these days)

so big ups to me for getting out there. i might be tryin to get out there tonight also...we'll see.

and now for a real post....

i'm back in nyc...the holiday was okay. started off really well and then it wandered off into painful and unnecessary familial drama that is still underway. but such is life, i guess. those transient moments where everything seems all hunky dory are just that - transient moments (...where everything seems all hunky dory :)

ah...so i've returned, once again, to the city that never sleeps. things haven't changed so much about how i feel about this city. i think i'm still in this state of general mellowness about being here. part of it is the day to day - i can't go home just yet because i'm feelin a bit anti-social and the roomie is having someone over for the next few days, i just paid 8.50 for a sandwich that was smaller than a subway footlong and didn't even taste as good as one, and a drunk guy just sat next to me and kinda hovered over my computer (i'm at a cafe trying to kill time before i find my way home...) and that's nyc for you, folks.

getting into 'discussions' with ppl during one's adult life

sucks.

nuff said.